Do you ever feel worried when meeting new people because you are not really sure what to talk about? Perhaps you don’t want to look silly or hate those long and awkward silences in conversations.
It’s important to realise, first and foremost, that you are not alone. Many people struggle with small talk.
Fortunately, rather than being some magic ability, small talk is just another skill that can be learned and improved with practice.
If you want to get better at small talk, the following tips will help you.
Think of Small Talk As a Game
With small talk, the aim is to establish a connection and build a relationship. You can’t jump right into conversation with someone you barely know asking them very personal questions. Treat it like a game, and start at level one. A greeting and some pleasantries always work well because they don’t catch people unaware.
Examples like “Hi. Don’t think we’ve met before?”, “What brings you here?” or even a simple “Hi, how are you?” will suffice to break the ice. They are great for setting the tone and putting people at ease.
Don’t worry about anything too deep until you’ve built a rapport.
Does that sound scary and intimidating? Have practice runs in more low-key settings where you would be expected to talk to a stranger. For instance, you could ask a question to the waiter or waitress in a restaurant “What’s the best thing on the menu?” or “What would you recommend?” or even just saying “Hello, how are you?” to the cashier at the store.
Level Up With Some Interesting and Unconventional Viewpoint Questions
Eventually, you will get the hang of asking those introductory questions. They will only get you so far, though. If you really want to have an interesting conversation you need to think outside the box and level up with some more unconventional viewpoint questions.
When introducing yourself, for instance, you could mention something you like relevant to the setting and then ask, “How about you?” or “What do you like?”
This is very effective because you are offering up a topic that your conversation can revolve around. It’s also a more striking and memorable way to approach someone for a chat than simply saying “Hello, how are you?”.
As you put in more practice and feel more confident, you can switch things up and chop and change what you say depending on the person, occasion and setting. Try several different conversation starters, speaking about your interests, sports or even music and film to find the ones that work best for you.
You Need to Be Actively Involved in Conversations
What happens though when you’ve been talking for a while and there is all of a sudden this awkward long silence when neither you nor the other person says anything. You’re likely to feel a little uncomfortable, but it’s all on you.
The most effective way to combat and prevent silences from occurring is by taking an active and lead role in the conversation. Don’t just ask questions and then nod in agreement or acknowledgement. You need to react to what they are saying in response to your questions with thoughtful comments that keep the conversation flowing.
When you engage with what they are saying and react to it, it shows you have really listened, which may even make the other person feel more able to share some more and continue with the conversation.
There will be times, though, when a conversation topic has run its course and in those situations, it’s best just to change the subject. It’s not really important what the next topic is, just that there’s a smooth transition from one to the next.
Use Body Language To Make a Connection With People
Interestingly, it’s the way you say things that is more important than the things you are saying, as long. At least, as long as they are not too outlandish, strange or OTT.
Non-verbal channels play an almost dominant role in how we communicate, like intonation, posture and even body language.
This can work to your advantage, as you can try to form connections with people subconsciously. Think carefully about the signals you are sending – does the other person seem interested in what you have to say? Are you coming across as defensive or reserved and trying to escape at the first chance you get?
Smiling, even before you start talking to someone, is a friendly way to approach someone. If you want to keep someone interested, you could become more animated while you chat, rather than just dryly discussing the topic at hand.
Another excellent way to get more out of small talk is to do something that might sound incredibly awkward at first. Try to work on holding your eye contact with the other person for longer than you normally would and then glance away from them for a couple of seconds.
This helps you to stand out from the crowd and builds trust between you both, as many people either stare too much at who they are chatting to or don’t maintain eye contact enough.
You need to work out a middle ground.
Anecdotes Make Conversations Come to Life
It doesn’t matter whether you relate one of your own personal anecdotes or tell an interesting story you heard in the news; stories are always a great way to inject some life into conversations.
Want to know a very easy way to use stories in your small talk like a pro? Develop your own story toolbox. What does that involve?
Have some memorable and interesting experiences in mind and build a story around them. It might sound crazy, but practice telling these stories until you find they naturally flow from you.
Another idea would be to look at the latest news before you leave for a social event, so you are up to speed about what’s current and can have an active role in conversations about those happenings.